Article from Independently Healthy Supplement - November 2005
By Sam Zeitoun - General Manager for The O’Keefe – a Leisure Care Retirement Community in Vancouver.

B.C.’s seniors’ population is expected to exceed the one million mark in a decade. This presents a huge challenge for the “sandwich generation,” children of elderly parents who need to maintain a balance in their own lives while dealing with the expectations of both their children and their parents.
These situations are often complex, making it difficult to know where to start. Many of us wait too long to broach the subject. We feel that our parents will be offended when the subject is raised, yet parents are often relieved to know that their children want to talk about planning.

Here are some questions you should ask:

Do my parents live alone in a large house?
Are there a lot of stairs?
Are family members in the area?
Do they need to have additional help during a health issue or after a hospital stay?
Are they eating properly?
Are they seeing other people?
What do they do with their time during the day?
What is the plan if one parent passes away?
When is the best time to make a change in their living situation?
Can they continue to live independently?
What is their financial situation?

Perhaps assisted living would be a better option for your parents. Ask yourself:

Do they need help with meal preparation, dressing, bathing, laundry, housekeeping, medication management?
Are they able to participate in decisions about their activities and needs and are they able to communicate these needs?
Are they capable of taking direction in an emergency and able to use an emergency response system?

Learn about options that are available and be practical and clear about the environment that will suit your parents best. Research retirement communities and assisted living developments and visit them. Meet the management team and ask lots of questions. Speak with existing residents about their experiences.

Most of us know changes are necessary and we tend to procrastinate. It is important to have ongoing dialogue rather than pressure planning triggered by a life-changing event. In my experience, parents who are approached thoughtfully are often more open to suggestions and assistance than we give them credit for.